Letter from a procrastinator

How to stop procrastinating … and get on with living

by Marilyn Minden, RSW

Dear Marilyn,
I know this sounds like everyone else out there but I procrastinate. Badly. I think a lot about doing great things with my life, but I don’t get further than thinking about them. Why do I do this to myself? I’m really tired and I’m feeling stuck. Stuckhearted, Toronto

Dear Stuckhearted,

It’s not surprising that you are tired.  Procrastination is exhausting and stressful.  Stress is a fight, flight or freeze response which releases a flood of hormones, adrenaline and cortisol into your system.  The more you procrastinate, the more stress you feel and the more stress you feel, the more you procrastinate.You are stuck in a negative cycle.  Your habit of thinking without doing may have become a fixed response. Procrastinators establish habits that lock them into a negative pattern, meaning you become more skilled at procrastinating than taking action.

Big Goals –Big Avoidance

Procrastinators tend to imagine gigantic goals that feel, and in fact may be, impossible to reach. The dream or the goal is exciting in itself but the energy for it fizzles out quickly. It is reasonable to avoid doing anything that feels impossible, overwhelming, and has no guarantee of succeeding.

The Paradox

Contrary to common perception, procrastination is not about being lazy. It is usually about perfectionism, and feeling overwhelmed. Paradoxically, immobility is a way to reinforce feelings of failure – the very feelings you want to avoid. Procrastinators mentally skip over the action details of reaching a goal.

Feeling Better:  The Action/Mood Connection

Begin to create a positive feedback loop for yourself – ‘taking one step at a time’ is a physical action, and one of the simplest antidotes to being stuck.  Here are a few more ‘action steps’ that may propel you on your way:-

Imagine you are standing alone at the top of a mountain and you shout out : “What keeps me stuck … aaaah!”
Notice if your inner voice is critical. Turn your inner “critics” into allies.  Would you talk to your best friends the way you talk to yourself?
Write in one sentence what’s important to you about not procrastinating.
Create a visual map if you are averse to writing.  You are the painter, the palette is yours.
Remove the word “later” from the comment “I’ll do it.”

Use others to help you

Procrastination is often a private struggle. Invite a close friend to just listen while you ask and answer out loud these six questions:

Who am I doing this for?
What difference would it make to my life?
What’s my first step?
What helps me to keep going?
Who can help me with this?
Guidelines: Be rigorously honest, specific and realistic.

Find someone to schedule a check in with you weekly for an update, guidance and encouragement. This will keep you ‘honest’ and help sustain your motivation and momentum. Keep all your scheduled check-ins whether or not you had a ‘good’ week. Whether you proceed with a small, or big life changing event, your procrastination may temporarily resurface. This is a realistic pattern of learning. Do not be discouraged. Review and practice what you’ve learned. That’s progress.

When you exercise a new habit of taking action, the following may occur: your negative stress will diminish. You will feel lighter, unapologetic, positive, bold, connected to your ‘inner ally’ and more energetic!

www.marilynminden.com
Recommended Reading:  Procrastination:  Why you do it and what to do about it. By Jane B. Burka, Lenora M. Yuen