JJ’s Journal

A regular appointment with a girl’s best friend. Her gay boyfriend.

I’m in a unique position to observe women – my best friends are women… and I wouldn’t be at all surprised if I were their best friend too.

We simply get along. We get each other. We relate. We can communicate in a way and with an honesty that might not be achievable in any other relationship. What is it about the relationship between grown-up straight women and sexy (if I do say so myself!) gay men?

Screw the stereotype – the truth is we have a lot in common – and a lot to share.

For example, just the other day I was having my weekly lunch with my best girlfriend (let’s call her Jane… well, it is her name after all…) and surfacing like a whale (in size and in the inherent need to surface regularly to get air) was what I like to call “The Topic”. In other words, “Why are (straight) men the way they are and why can’t we murder them?”

It’s a good question. And a good one to ask your best gay boyfriend.

I don’t pretend to be an expert on all things male – not even on all things gay male – but I do have the unique perspective of the male, coupled with the empathy that comes from loving the same gender (if not species) for lo these many years.

And here’s the short answer: the matter with them is that they don’t know themselves. But you know the other honest truth? The opposite is also true: they can’t and don’t know you either. And part of it is because most are unpractised in the ways and means of women – and endless conversations concerning feelings and behaviour and habits and all that malarkey – and the other part is that they’re just human. Endlessly, irritatingly, devastatingly, charmingly, exasperatingly human. Just like women. And, it should be understood, gay men too.

But here is the beauty of the gay male/straight gal bosom friendship: you can pretty much tell me/complain to me/explain to me/weep to me everything you like for as often and as long as you like. And I find the ‘getting it out’ bit helps. And to put not to small a point on it, an honest reminder of the humanity of the situation.

Give a straight man a straight question, you’re going to get a straight solution.

Give most gay men a question and rather than a solution, we’ll listen to you. Wonder with you. Be confounded with you. Be hopeful with you. Remind you who you are, and how special you are.

You see gay men know that much of life, and most definitely romantic relationships, can’t ever really be ‘fixed’ per se. But we also know it shouldn’t just be endured. It’s best when it’s shared – even if there are no answers, plans, strategies or solutions to apply.

So to answer your question Jane, why didn’t that divorced lawyer with the twinkly eyes and thick silver mane call you back? When he said he would?

I don’t know. But he’s an idiot and you’re lovely. Shall we get the bill or look at the dessert cart?

Éclairs it is.

(J.J. is a pseudonym of the writer – his insights, attitudes, opinions and empathy have long been a source of support for his best girlfriends. He’ll step up regularly, and be your boyfriend too.)

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