Bounteous grandparenting

… or, what about grandparenting multiples?

Part 1 of a two-part Granny Blog on sensible grandparenting, especially if there are twins or triplets (or more) in the mix

I love the bumper sticker that reads “If I had known what fun having grandchildren were, I would have had them first!” Basically that says it all. A time of their lives that many parents look forward to is to the time they will become Grandparents. While we have enjoyed the journey of raising our own children, the thought of becoming a grandparent, is an exciting and natural progression in Life’s Journey. But wait a minute, there’s more – not only are you to become grandparents, you are to become grandparents to twins, triplets, quadruplets or more. It doesn’t get much better than that?

As parents yourselves, you have “been there, done that” and when your grandchildren arrive, it can be very tempting to rush in, offering advice, shortcuts, feedback and opinions regarding parenting style to the new parents. Add to that the 20/20 hindsight of your own parenting experience, and of course you have lots to offer! Who wouldn’t want to share their years of experience with the ones they love and to help them avoid some of the mistakes you made? After all children don’t come with instructions.

Ah, if it was only so simple. Grandparents are an important part of the childrearing equation but grandparents also walk a very fine line. It isn’t unusual for grandparents to either attend the births of their grandchildren and/or to at least move into the family home for a few weeks after the births to help the new family establish routines and get accustomed to their roles as round-the-clock caretakers. The more difficult part of the equation for grandparents, is to support the family while allowing the parents (i.e. their own children whom are now parents) to discover their own balance, make their own mistakes and find their own comfort levels. Grandparents need to remember that, while their children’s parenting choices may not be their own, these new parents have a right to learn in the their own manner and also benefit from the expertise and helping hands around them. It is a wise grandparent who knows when to be loving, sympathetic, caring and when to also hold his/her tongue.

Children greatly benefit from contact with the different generations. Asa result, children have a first hand “peek” into their history, roots and Family Tree, learning about “the olden days” as stories from their grandparents’ lives unfold. These stories offer a sense of belonging, comfort and continuity. Along the way, the grandchildren also enjoy some special attention from their grandparents; prolonged bedtimes, favorite foods or the relaxation of parental rules and regulations make the grandparent-grandchild relationship unique.

There is no doubt that grandparenting can be a rewarding and exhilarating experience. But (yes, there is a “but”), there are some very important points to be aware of which can help grandparents be an important, loving, caring, sharing part of their grandchildren’s lives.

Grandparenting multiples involves some additional layers of which even the most involved grandparent should be aware. The  hints and tips I’ll be sharing over the next few weeks have been prepared to assist you in being the best support system you can be, while remaining a positive, caring and extremely important person in not only your grandchildren’s lives, but in the lives of their parents as well. Here is the first piece of guidance …

1. Before the grandchildren arrive, educate yourselves so that you can get an accurate idea of what having twins, triplets or more entails. There are many excellent books on multiple births available which can enlighten you as to what the parents are facing. You may wish to talk to other parents or grandparents of multiples or join your local Multiple Birth Support Chapter. They have regular meetings, educational materials, can recommend appropriate Internet Sites and much more. Many Grandparents have taken my Multiple Birth Prenatal Classes to learn firsthand how they can be the best support they can be to the new parents. Grandparents have taken my class and passed along the information and handouts to their children who live in areas of Canada with no such prenatal support systems. They have even sent prenatal information Overseas to their families posted abroad. How’s that for commitment? Educating yourselves before the babies’ arrival will assist you in becoming a positive and supportive Grandparent and a tremendous asset to the new parents. 

If you are parents of multiples yourselves, you already have a pretty good idea of what the parents will be facing. Nevertheless, it will be important that you remember to be supportive to the parents and not try to compare your own parenting experiences with their current one. Even in one generation, times and parenting practices have changed. It is important to remember that the new parents need love, support and their own chance to parent. They don’t need judgments or unsolicited remarks.

More, much more, good stuff to follow.

by Lynda P. Haddon

Multiple Birth Educator

Multiple Birth:  Prenatal Education & Bereavement Support

Multiple-birth specific prenatal DVD now available. For a video preview and to order visit www.multiplebirthsfamilies.com.

Lynda is recipient of a Community Builder’s Award from United Way for her work in the multiple-birth community and  with  the Ottawa Coalition for the Prevention of Low Birth Weight and of two Awards from Multiple Births Canada for her work both Nationally and Internationally.

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