“What are we doing today?” That’s the question that Toronto career coach Yvonne dreads hearing from her 60-plus husband each Saturday morning. “I think he thinks I’m camp director who organizes engaging activities to keep us both amused over the weekend. I’ve been working hard all week to, so all I really want is to have some time to myself.”

As unemployment rose in Toronto and the GTA during 2009, some of our more matured workforce opted to take early retirement packages. While many women approach retirement with a plan – determined to go down all the paths in life that being a wife, mother and employee may have temporarily blocked for them – many men drift into retirement with nothing in mind. Planless can mean aimless. This is surely the best way to drive themselves and their partners, well, crazy.

” I am truly dreading the day he retires,” Yvonne continued. “He’ll be up early every morning, invading my space and wanting to know what I have planned for us. Don’t get me wrong; I do enjoy spending time with him, just not all my time. That’s way too much togetherness, and I know our relationship will suffer big time.”

It seems this is pervasive. Our men look forward to retirement, but don’t have the faintest idea what they’ll do with themselves. Women also look forward to retiring. The difference is that they often have a comprehensive list of activities planned for themselves. Exactly that – for themselves.

Another issue with all this looming togetherness is that women, especially those who work in the home, feel that their territory is being invaded.

Psychotherapist Marge Thorburn told BBC Radio 4 that when there is a retirement, or a lay-off, the power balance shifts. “There’s an upturn in how you perceive each other,” she said. “We know how territorial we are when we have someone in what we believe is our space, perhaps doing some of your jobs, taking over what you’ve traditionally done; or finding a fridge full of stuff that your husband bought that you don’t even like, whereas things you need haven’t even been on their radar.”

An unexpected ‘re-structuring’ had Vaughan dweller and freelance writer Veronica reeling from shock when her live-in partner was laid off in the summer. “My office is in my home. I close the door, and I’m working solidly for six hours straight. Having Tom – whose company I really enjoy – around all the time just about drives me nuts. He drops by my desk at least once an hour so that we can ‘take a break together’. Trouble is he’s on a long-term break, and I work all day. I don’t think I’ve ever drunk so much tea. I know this wouldn’t happen if my office was away from home.”

According to Veronica, the dogs were confused too. In the spirit of helpfulness, Tom was grooming the dogs and heaping attention on them during their post-feeding time when they normally took a three-hour nap. She also found herself accounting for what she was doing, although not intentionally. “It’s just that things I would have done on my own, I felt I had to include him because he was home.”

A lay-off or early retirement can be more of a challenge because, being catapulted into the situation, there’s no time to prepare. With a planned retirement, you can at least see it coming over a number of years – much easier to plan for. And what should be planned?

Get your list going. Ask yourself what will challenge, entertain and revive you. Most rewarding for all is doing something with purpose – although being purposeful varies from person to person. For some it’s charity work or volunteering, for others taking a cordon bleu cooking course, starting a new business, or learning a new art form. Whatever you and your partner decide, finding fulfilling and engaging activities, having some downtime and planning a few pastimes with your partner that you will both enjoy should work magic. Most of all, male or female, you must plan to have some time alone – time with and for yourself. And revel in it.