by Christine Stoesser

If you’ve visited the ROM lately, you may have seen the ’House Calls with my Camera: Social Documentary Portraits by Dr. Mark Nowaczynski’, a photography exhibition that has been promoting awareness of the plight of the vulnerable elderly population.

The displayed photographs of Dr. Nowaczynski were taken while making house calls to his own patients—John L., Barbara B., Joseph L. and Joyce A. The photographs are as human as they are haunting, for every human ages but no one hopes to grow old like this. The images may shock some audiences, for their subjects are lonesome and their quality of life unacceptable.

One subject, John L., a 75 year-old Korean War veteran, was living alone in squalor and suffering from post-traumatic stress, dementia and heart disease. Joyce A. was alone, not eating, suffering many illnesses and unable to pay her bills—if her neighbour hadn’t noticed, who knows how her last days might have played out.

“If we didn’t go to these individuals, they wouldn’t get any health care because they can’t come to us. They would fall through the cracks. These are hidden worlds, people who cease to exist who have no voice. One day this will be you and I. You are not looking at an exotic species in another world – you are looking at your future,” said Dr. Mark Nowaczynski.

His photographs represent a problem that is only beginning to be addressed.
On May 19, 2011, the ’ National Initiative for the Care of the Elderly (NICE)’ is holding a Knowledge Exchange at Hart House at University of Toronto. The featured topics are not the easiest to swallow: elder abuse and senior suicides.

These information-sharing sessions will also address dementia, financial literacy and end-of-life issues. It also marks the launching of ‘The Aging Application’. The first of its kind, the online social platform has been designed to streamline geriatric care by providing 24/7 access to leading experts, knowledge and care management solutions. The event features Dr. Carole Estabrooks as keynote speaker on the importance sharing knowledge on this topic at a global level, and Dr. Marnin Heisel, a leading expert in suicide statistics among the elderly, will talk about prevention and awareness.

Dr. Lynn McDonald, founder and scientific director of NICE and recipient of the Governor General’s Golden Jubilee Medal, says, “Enhancing and supporting networking and collaboration, as well as putting reputable research into practice, are essential in adapting to the unprecedented global aging trend, particularly with baby boomers now starting to reach 65.”

NICE’s work in providing reliable aging information is at the forefront of a shift in the geriatrics community—in the last 18 months NICE has responded to over 300,000 requests for their invaluable information on managing aging issues like poverty, depression and the quality of life and death in a nursing home.

You can help:

• Learn about and Register for the Knowledge Exchange Online at: http://www.niceke.ca/ or call 416-978-0545

• Follow the Event on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/National-Initiative-for-the-Care-of-the-Elderly-NICE/276356887489

• Follow the Event on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Nicenetca

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by Eva Sachs

Navigating the emotional and financial minefield of divorce is one of the toughest things you’ll ever do.

Here’s a somewhat disheartening and sobering fact: the divorce rate in Canada has doubled from that of the early 70s. While the legalities of getting a divorce may have become somewhat easier in the past 30 years, the financial ramifications remain the most intimidating and potentially devastating aspect of ending a significant life partnership.

It’s important to realize that divorce is the breakup of an economic unit, as well as a family unit. Divorce should be approached as the dissolution of a financial partnership, with each party attempting to remove the emotions from the process in order to develop a workable plan for each.

Developing comprehensive insight into short-and long-term financial effects of divorce can save valuable time, money and distress, especially if the process is conducted early in the legal proceedings. Many separating couples seek individual legal assistance before assessing their financial situation. While lawyers serve a crucial role as individual legal advocates, they are not necessarily there to explain financial consequences in detail.

Here are a few key financial elements to be aware of when going through a divorce:

Gather all financial and property records

Obtain records of all bank, and brokerage accounts, insurance policies, retirement plans, tax returns, and other financial data. Develop a comprehensive list of all your property and assets, including furnishings, art objects, jewelry, and investments. Compiling these records is a good first step in any agreement regarding division of assets.

Think through what the divorce will really cost you

Think what divorce will cost you in the long run and develop a realistic monthly budget during the financial analysis process. Expenses such as life insurance, health insurance and cost of living increases must be taken into consideration when agreeing on a final financial settlement.

Start saving

No matter how cash-poor you are you must begin savings. If you don’t start, you’ll never regain your financial footing. Prepare a budget or cash flow analysis even if you’ve never done one before. Your new financial circumstances should be analyzed. Prepare or at least review your budget with a financial planner may be a better approach. Independent review is vital to avoid “fooling yourself” with overly optimistic assumptions.

Tax matters

Be aware of all tax liabilities and benefits. The monthly distribution of the financial settlement will change individual tax burdens based on the amount of Spousal Support (taxable income to the recipient and tax deductible to the payor) vs. Child Support (tax neutral for both payor and recipient).

Protect your assets now

Act quickly to protect your assets. Alert your, bank, brokerage firm, or mutual fund broker of the situation. They may agree not to make transactions on joint accounts without your approval. Immediately establish credit in your own name if you don’t already have it. Revise your estate plan, power of attorney, and beneficiary designations.

Legal fees

Keep the lid on legal fees. Don’t use your lawyer to get back at your ex. A divorce these days is really an economic issue. Most people cannot afford to pay for vengeance. Understand that the meter is running every time you call your lawyer. Don’t waste your time venting emotional issues or sharing the latest outrage.

Housing budget

Set a realistic housing budget. Don’t let emotion cloud your judgment about keeping the family home. Set a realistic budget that takes into account your mortgage, property taxes, and maintenance. Divorcing women often pass up their ex’s pension in favor of the house—even though the pension may be worth far more in the future.

Work with an expert

Misinformation and misconceptions about the divorce process can be detrimental. Many people have false expectations that they will be able to secure a divorce settlement allowing them to continue with their accustomed style of living. Financial divorce analysis helps to ensure a good, stable economic future and prevent long-term regret with financial decisions made during the divorce process. With proper planning and expert help from financial professionals specializing in divorce, you can increase your chances of arriving at a settlement that fully addresses your long-term financial needs.

See our What’s Happening calendar for details of a Toronto event all about this topic.

Eva Sachs , B.Comm. Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, Certified Financial Planner, is the founder of Women in Divorce Financial. www.womenindivorce.ca

As a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA™), has her CFP™ designation. She is a member of the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts and is on the board of Collaborative Practice Toronto. She can be reached at esachs@womenindivorce.ca

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by Farrell MacDonald

In his latest book titled At Home, Bill Bryson says “Houses aren’t refuges from history. They are where history ends up.” I love this quote for many reasons – not the least of which is the way it touches on the key to my biggest passion: real estate.

My continued fascination with how people use their personal space lies at the heart of why I love my job. I can show the same property to a dozen different clients and they will all have slightly different plans for how they would adapt it to make it their home.

Although I am an owner at heart, I do not believe one requires legal title to their space in order to call it their home. This follows a strong belief that everyone ends up living where they do because of a history of events – good or bad – that leads to decisions about where they need to be at a given point in time. Hence my assertion that renters often have just as much invested in their personal living space as do owners and the decision to rent versus buy is sometimes loaded with considerations that have nothing to do with affordability.

Change in philosophy

This is reflected in a recent episode of my audio podcast series where my producer and I are joined by a retiree who made the philosophical switch from owner to renter in order to match his current stage in life. He freely admits that when he was first married and starting a family, he could not imagine anything other than owning a home. In his view, this represented security, practicality and the status that comes with owning property. In other words, he felt all grown up. The stereotypical owner is someone who is established, settled and trustworthy.

The renter, by contrast is usually considered flighty, unreliable and in need of some stability. In other words, owning property demonstrates maturity. Like all stereotypes, there is much more to it than meets the eye.

Later in life – that is, once the kids had flown the coop – our retiree and his wife decided it was time to re-think their living space and how they wanted to live out their golden years. The result has been a significant shift in philosophy.

Footloose and fancy free

The yard he so proudly tended all those years had become burdensome and the uncertain costs of maintaining an aging structure suddenly overshadowed the pride of ownership he had harboured his entire adult life. Their decision to rent a condo apartment has given them the freedom to travel without fretting about returning to a flooded basement or piles of snow to shovel. They have access to a pool and expansive garden space tended to by others (the management company). Although he claims he is also way ahead financially (which I dispute), the shift in lifestyle has left him and his spouse feeling rather footloose and fancy free.

They are no doubt dream tenants, something I suspect reflects all those years as proud owners. But, make no mistake, they’re proud of this home too. It just happens to be someone else’s responsibility.

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by Lynn M. Robinson

Empty nesters often want to replace their family home and begin searching for the perfect property for the next stage in life. There is a trend among active baby boomers to think and live younger as they grow older. The property dynamics in Toronto reflects this trend, and – divorce and second/third marriages being so common now – new choices are often influenced by new relationships.

Lifestyle must, of course, dictate property choice. Consider, for example, whether it’s to be a smaller home which still has room for family gatherings, or a tiny pied a terre as a downtown alternative to larger home or property outside the city.

I spend a lot of time on with my clients before we go out searching for a new home to build a picture of where and how they want to live. I ask them to visualize their new lifestyle. That way we can profile what ideal locations and living styles would be, which means they get to look at a select few properties are more likely to fit the bill, rather than viewing dozens of places that just wouldn’t work.

Downsizing considerations

These are some of the points I discuss with my clients.

Frequent travelers want to be able to lock the door and walk away knowing that the property will be safe and secure for weeks at a time.

It is possible to move to a smaller property yet still entertain on a small or large scale, and have space for occasional overnight guests.

Many baby boomers want to live somewhere centrally located so they can walk to great restaurants, theatres, entertainment venues, food shops, and local services – i.e. be in the heart of ‘the action’.

This stage in life is often time to create a whole new image in the home – contemporary urban chic or upbeat retro versus traditional or country. Over-50s are moving into upscale townhomes, condos and lofts at amazing rates.

Moving from traditional residential neighbourhoods to edgier more ‘hip’ areas is a popular option for this demographic.

What is home life all about? Is a home office needed for working from home, or do you have an artist or hobbyist in your midst who needs space to be creative?

With baby boomers now cooking more for leisure, having a spectacular, well-planned kitchen (or potential to make it so) becomes a vital feature.

Open concepts are not for everyone, but when downsizing having open plan living can give the sense of more breathing space – especially as the concept of a family room goes by the wayside in smaller, downtown residences.

Proximity to subways and other transit makes theatre-going, restaurant dining and Bloor Street shopping a simple convenience, where driving in heavy traffic and finding parking spaces to do the same things can be a pain.

The over-50 age group contains many gardeners, but few want a burdensome horticultural plan or even a lawn to cut. They are too busy enjoying life. Small and manageable urban gardens, rooftop decks with greenery, or tiny terraces attached to a condo become highly desirable while meeting the need for outdoor greenspace.

Sometimes having an in-between size property is the best way to go, when a couple is not quite ready to go into a completely bijou residence. This way the grandchildren can come to stay, or university-age children can still come home during holiday times. Then, five or 10 years later, the next real downsizing move can take place.

Finding the right home for your exact needs can seem overwhelming. In my experience the over-50 population in Toronto is looking for unique dwellings, those with character, style and convenience for their shifts in lifestyle. I enjoy figuring out which precise home the people I am helping relocate would be happiest living in, and I enjoy the challenge of finding the exact ‘needle in a haystack’ that is perfect for each client. That’s what I’m known for.

As a real estate broker, Lynn Robinson is a detail-oriented, calm and patient needle-in-a-haystack finder. Her office is at 290 Merton Street, Toronto. 416 332-8000, cell 416 706-0782, email lynn@tolifestylehomes.com, web www.TOlifestylehomes.com

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by Jane Parker

If you’re like me, you worry about your Mom’s safety and well-being in her old age. Although mine – Emily – is healthy enough for her 82 years, she has reached the point in her life when all her children feel she would do better in a community that’s geared to the needs of aged parents. We will discuss this with her first so that she is involved in deciding, of course, but we wanted to find out the facts so we could all make an informed decision together.

I didn’t know all of the things to consider, until I dropped into Hazelton Place on Avenue Road in Toronto on a reconnaissance mission to see what’s what in retirement living. I left with a great list of considerations as we continue our research and make comparisons. I did conclude that if you make the best choice, you will be guilt-free and your parent will be content.

What to look for

Pricing

Most people ask about price first, naturally. Though many may feel intimidated by the fees (and in the case of a Yorkville location as at Hazelton Place, may assume the fees are higher), the pricing at Hazelton Place starts at just shy of $3200 a month for a small one-bedroom unit for an independent living lifestyle. That means separate, private living quarters with your Mom or Dad’s own furniture – in a modern condo suite. This covers rent, property taxes, utilities and three meals a day, all the activities, outings and entertainment offered in abundance to fill the days, housekeeping and laundry for linens once a week, and luxurious surroundings – and more.

Location

If your seniors are active and like to be in the thick of things, a downtown location which is in walking distance of shops, theatres and amenities that is also close to transit services gives plenty of options. Remote locations may be priced lower, but can be isolating for your parents – especially as many give up driving – and harder for you to visit regularly. A more vibrant location encourages more social and cultural activities, and more visits by friends and family.

Amenities

Though dependent on the lifestyle that your parent(s) live, you’ll want to know that there are amenities to suit everyone. At Hazelton Place, I saw the hair salon, gym room, party room, the “111” convenience store (run by the residents who do what they want with the profits, for example charitable donations), well appointed lounge areas, open airy spaces, movie theatre, recreation room and a whole lot more. I saw the lists of activities on offer that day too, and bridge, jewelry making, energizing exercises and a discussion on ethics were all on the list. There are a lot of parking spaces available for visitors and residents at Hazelton Place, too, which encourages visitors to visit. And the restaurant is full service with choices available from the varied menu. (more on Page 2 …)

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by Judy Byle-Jones

During separation and divorce negotiations, spouses are often required to maintain life insurance to guarantee the continuation of support payments after death. Insurance is the most effective solution for offering lasting peace of mind, and honoring long-term commitments.

Insurance is often setup poorly as a result of agreements that overlook the importance of this step. In the case of Sally H, the spouse who passed away named his dependant spouse as the beneficiary of his group life insurance. This solution has many limitations.

• The insured person may be terminated from their employer at anytime and will consequently lose their insurance. That person may have had a change of health and subsequently be uninsurable, and therefore unable to replace the coverage.

• The group insurance plan can be terminated by the employer at any time and individuals have little or no control over the amount or the insurance

• The insured can change the beneficiary at any time. This may breach the terms of a separation agreement, but the ex-spouse may be none the wiser because the carrier is under no obligation to report such a change to a third party. In this event, the recipient spouse would be left with little hope of recovering the monies owed to him or her unless the make a claim to the estate – which may, of course, have nothing to claim against.

Personal insurance policies

Both spouses owning policies personally achieve a possible solution to this difficulty. If an ex-spouse is named as irrevocable beneficiary on a new or existing policy, that designation cannot be changed without his or her knowledge and written permission. However, if the policy lapses the insurance company is obligated only to inform the policy owner and his or her agent.

The best solution is for each ex-spouse to own a policy, or policies on the other. In that, way only he or she has the legal status to status to alter a policy.  As lawyers often do not have the same take on insurance issues as  Certified Divorce Financial Analysts do, we suggest consulting a CDFA to help you gain peace of mind.

Thorns and Roses President, Judy Byle-Jones CDFA, CFP, CLU, CH.F.C, is a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst and Certified Financial Planner

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by Jill O’Donnell

Though baby boomers are a fast-growing demographic, the fastest growing segment of our Canadian population is the over 85 age group. That means more and more of us will have aging parents who will at some time require care. Understanding the role you currently hold or eventually will have in caring for an aging parent is part of the planning process. If you plan ahead, you will be prepared when a parent needs your help and can readily step up to the challenge care-giving will present.

The Sandwich Generation

There are really two types of sandwiches, ‘Open-Faced and ‘Regular’. If you are a couple with growing children and aging parents who require help or care, you are a Regular sandwich, caught between the generations. Today there are many single people who do not have children but have aging parents. That is an Open-Faced Sandwich.

Fred and Darlene is a middle-aged professional couple with no children. Their parents died many years ago. When Darlene’s single Aunt Mary became ill, she called Darlene for help.

When Great Uncle George was admitted to hospital in Saskatchewan, he called Sam, his nephew to come out and help him find a retirement home because he couldn’t go home alone.

So, what is a Hamburger?

I use the term Hamburger to describe a family that is a couple with young children, aging parents and even older grandparents. Also in that category are reconstituted or blended families: those who have divorced and remarried. Remarriages can involve very young children, teenagers, adult children, grandchildren and aging parents. Relationships built up over years between family members do not always end when a divorce occurs.

Ruth was just about to take early retirement when her husband, Harry informed her he wanted a divorce to marry his personal assistant who was half his age. Over the years, Ruth and Harry’s mother, Joan, had become very good friends so when Joan required assistance in finding a retirement home, she turned to Ruth for help. As she aged, Joan became very reliant on Ruth saying she did not really care for Harry’s new wife. The more Ruth became involved, the further removed Harry became. Eventually, Harry stopped visiting his mother. Ruth was the one who arranged for a move to a long term care facility and continued to visit Joan on a very regular basis to ensure her care needs were met. When Joan died, she left the bulk of her estate to Ruth.

Coping in a Crisis

As a gerontologist, I too frequently get calls from adult children when a crisis occurs. “My Dad is in hospital and the doctor tells me he cannot go home alone”. “My Mother is in early stages of dementia and my Father is finding it very difficult to manage her care. He asked me if I could have Mother live with me”.

Rosalyn Carter, the former First Lady of the United States of American says there are four types of caregivers.

1. Those who have been caregivers.

2. Those who currently are caregivers

3. Those who will be caregivers.

4. Those who will need caregivers.

If you are reading this article, you fit one of the above categories. If you think you will be a caregiver, there are many things to consider. The first one is to be prepared. Being prepared means planning ahead and not waiting for a crisis to occur before taking action. Aging parents are reluctant to admit when failing health occurs and do not readily accept help. If you help them to plan ahead by writing a Life Plan, it will ease much of the burden of care when it is needed. A Life Plan is something that takes into consideration family involvement, relationships and health without losing sight of the need to save and invest for the future.

Caregivers

Caregiving can be anything from taking your parent to the bank, a doctor’s appointment, shopping, or helping to cut grass or shovel snow, all the way through to giving personal care. If you are a caregiver now, consider the following:

1. Take care of yourself. Ask for help from a sibling, a neighbour or consider paying an agency for assistance in caregiving.

2. Make certain your life has balance. Many women are caught between their careers and caregiving; trying to balance them in such a way you can live a relatively normal life.

3. Stress from both a physical and emotional sense must be addressed. If you are a caregiver and suffer burnout, you are no longer any help to your aging parent.

4. Finances are a major consideration and be and should not ignored. Caregiving costs whether the person lives at home or is moved to a facility must be factored into it all.

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by Rona Birenbaum

Fighting about money is one of the most common reasons for divorce in North America. Many couples face an overwhelming task when creating and managing the household income. These couples find themselves frustrated when it comes to combining their financial styles, and, as a result, both their net worth, and relationship suffers.

So how do you prevent money stress from eroding your relationship? Here are five common situations that we see in our Financial Planning practice, and some suggestions for overcoming the difficulties.

“We don’t discuss money, we fight about it”

To prevent a money discussion from turning into an argument, make it a planned discussion. Most couples bring up the subject of money when they are unhappy about something and so the conversation turns into an “I’m right, you’re wrong” debate. For example, spouse buys an expensive item (flat screen tv, fancy new clothes etc.) while the other spouse feels the funds should be going towards the mortgage. What starts as a discussion turns into an argument about which use of funds is “better”. That’s a no win debate.

I recommend that couples meet regularly to discuss finances when they are calm, not at a time of crisis. A quarterly meeting on the weekend, or in the evening over a glass of wine works best. The fewer the distractions the better.

“We’ll never retire at the rate we’re going”

Uncertainty about the future can be very stressful for some people. To alleviate the anxiety, find out where you stand and assess your financial reality. Prepare a net worth statement and prepare a cash flow review. There are many retirement calculators on the internet that will give you some idea as to how close your retirement goal is. Email me for a monthly Budget Tracker that will help you calculate your current cost of living and start the dialogue.

“I’m a saver and he/she is a spender, that’s the problem”

The problem is actually thinking that you can turn a spender into a saver or vice versa. Compromise and moderated behavior is the key. Rather than labeling one another, consider this line of thinking, “We both spend but on different things. Let’s budget”

Create a spending plan together that addresses your individual and combined financial needs and goals. This will often mean having a joint account for “family” expenses and individual accounts for personal spending. The budget should be a reflection of both spouse’s current and future lifestyle needs.

“You worry too much!”

It can be frustrating when a spouse worries constantly about money. In my experience the worry comes from a lack of information about how money is being spent, or whether certain financial goals are being achieved. Even if the worry is unfounded, the solution is complete disclosure. Regular meetings to review the family finances will eliminate the mystery and set the stage for constructive, joint decision making and goal setting.

“We aren’t making any progress”

Hire an objective third party to help facilitate dialogue and develop a financial plan that respects both spouse’s concerns and goals. The Financial Planner should have experience working with couples that are having difficulty having constructive conversations about finances. The planning process and ongoing, regular meetings with the planner will help diffuse the inter-couple stress and keep them focused on working together constructively.

Rona Birenbaum BAS CFP CHFS is a Professional Financial Planner has worked in financial services for over 20 years within the Credit Union, full-service brokerage and independent Financial Planning industries. Rona is a media resource on a wide range of financial planning subjects and publishes a popular financial blog, Money Insights, which can be found on her website www.caringforclients.com

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by Blake C. Goldring, M.S.M., CFA

The growing focus on pension reform is looking at the financial health of our fellow citizens. The issue has triggered public discussion, building up to a fever pitch last fall at the first ministers’ conference and making its way into the 2010 federal government budget. The Government of Canada has continued to conduct public consultations as it looks for creative and innovative ways to help improve pensions for Canadians.

We all know the trends: the number of defined benefit plans has and continues to plummet while RSP contributions are significantly below allowable levels, leaving many Canadians out in the cold on a number of tax and savings advantages. In a nutshell, the current system can be improved upon without spending a lot of taxpayer dollars while preserving investors’ right to choose where they want to put their money — and when to do so.

But what many may not have noticed is a flourishing group of plans known as Capital Accumulation Plans (CAPs). They include

Defined Contribution Pension Plan

Deferred Profit Sharing Plans

Group RSPs

Group Tax-Free Savings Accounts.

RSP participation increased

As well, a study conducted for one of Canada’s largest insurance companies earlier this year shows that despite the economy, overall employer participation in group RSPs rose last year to 46% compared to 32% the previous year. Employees on average also contributed 4.5% of salary to their DC pension plans in 2009, up from 4.2% in 2008. These numbers are encouraging but a lot more can be done to encourage further creation and effectiveness of CAPs.

At AGF Management we believe that the private system is best suited to provide the kinds of choices Canadians need to build their retirement nest eggs. This is a sentiment echoed by many others, including Bill Kyle of Great-West Life Assurance Company who authored a report last year calling for collaborative reform that would lead to a stronger pension system for Canadians.

Canadians like choice and we are encouraging government to continue on that path. Individuals should be allowed and indeed encouraged to contribute to RRSPs to mitigate the risk of over-reliance on a company pension and to enhance their overall ability to save for retirement. (Continuing with more great information on Page 2)

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]]> http://tempotoronto.ca/living/pension-reform/feed/ 0 http://tempotoronto.ca/living/procrastination/ http://tempotoronto.ca/living/procrastination/#comments Wed, 28 Jul 2010 13:24:01 +0000 admin http://tempotoronto.ca/?p=2237

Is psychotherapy for me?

]]> How to stop procrastinating … and get on with living

by Marilyn Minden, RSW

Dear Marilyn,
I know this sounds like everyone else out there but I procrastinate. Badly. I think a lot about doing great things with my life, but I don’t get further than thinking about them. Why do I do this to myself? I’m really tired and I’m feeling stuck. Stuckhearted, Toronto

Dear Stuckhearted,

It’s not surprising that you are tired.  Procrastination is exhausting and stressful.  Stress is a fight, flight or freeze response which releases a flood of hormones, adrenaline and cortisol into your system.  The more you procrastinate, the more stress you feel and the more stress you feel, the more you procrastinate.You are stuck in a negative cycle.  Your habit of thinking without doing may have become a fixed response. Procrastinators establish habits that lock them into a negative pattern, meaning you become more skilled at procrastinating than taking action.

Big Goals –Big Avoidance

Procrastinators tend to imagine gigantic goals that feel, and in fact may be, impossible to reach. The dream or the goal is exciting in itself but the energy for it fizzles out quickly. It is reasonable to avoid doing anything that feels impossible, overwhelming, and has no guarantee of succeeding.

The Paradox

Contrary to common perception, procrastination is not about being lazy. It is usually about perfectionism, and feeling overwhelmed. Paradoxically, immobility is a way to reinforce feelings of failure – the very feelings you want to avoid. Procrastinators mentally skip over the action details of reaching a goal.

Feeling Better:  The Action/Mood Connection

Begin to create a positive feedback loop for yourself – ‘taking one step at a time’ is a physical action, and one of the simplest antidotes to being stuck.  Here are a few more ‘action steps’ that may propel you on your way:-

Imagine you are standing alone at the top of a mountain and you shout out : “What keeps me stuck … aaaah!”
Notice if your inner voice is critical. Turn your inner “critics” into allies.  Would you talk to your best friends the way you talk to yourself?
Write in one sentence what’s important to you about not procrastinating.
Create a visual map if you are averse to writing.  You are the painter, the palette is yours.
Remove the word “later” from the comment “I’ll do it.”

Use others to help you

Procrastination is often a private struggle. Invite a close friend to just listen while you ask and answer out loud these six questions:

Who am I doing this for?
What difference would it make to my life?
What’s my first step?
What helps me to keep going?
Who can help me with this?
Guidelines: Be rigorously honest, specific and realistic.

Find someone to schedule a check in with you weekly for an update, guidance and encouragement. This will keep you ‘honest’ and help sustain your motivation and momentum. Keep all your scheduled check-ins whether or not you had a ‘good’ week. Whether you proceed with a small, or big life changing event, your procrastination may temporarily resurface. This is a realistic pattern of learning. Do not be discouraged. Review and practice what you’ve learned. That’s progress.

When you exercise a new habit of taking action, the following may occur: your negative stress will diminish. You will feel lighter, unapologetic, positive, bold, connected to your ‘inner ally’ and more energetic!

www.marilynminden.com
Recommended Reading:  Procrastination:  Why you do it and what to do about it. By Jane B. Burka, Lenora M. Yuen

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